What I Want To Become is An Honest Person
I want to be able to speak up when something feels uncomfortable.
I want to be able to tell you in all honesty that I'm really having a hard time right now and a time off doesn't even help me anymore.
I want to tell you that life has been fucking us up in so many ways and sorry I can't talk at the moment (or most of the time) but sure, I'll listen.
I want to say that I'm embarrassed of my feelings because I'm not sure if I'm supposed to feel them.
I want to say I'm sorry I may have said the wrong things or acted in a way I'm not supposed to. I want to tell you I had a great time but that I cannot say it out loud.
I want to say I do find babies cute and endearing and sure motherhood can be fulfilling, but that I don't know if I want a child of my own.
I want to be able to say that indeed I'm an anxious person and I apologize for not being calm and collected all the time.
And I really want to tell you that both of you wronged each other and that it doesn't hurt to account for your own mistakes.
I want to tell you that I've been skipping meals again and it's for all the wrong reasons.
I want to say that perhaps I need God right now.
And I want to ask you to pray for me.