The Boy, The Diwata, and the Vivid Dreams Pushing their Way Out of the Subconscious
I.
I tell myself I should be sad, that this should break my heart. This is supposed to mess with my head to the point of my body unconsciously going back and forth, and the voice in my head asking over and over, why did I do it? But instead I hear this reassuring calmness saying, I did what I thought was right to take the confusion away because any form of turmoil does not serve me. He did just the right thing, transforming tragedy into a daydream – some warmth I can look back to so can say to myself “he was too hazy and dreamy to even be real.“
II.
I am about to explode but I want to be able to put this into words. Here's a dream I look forward to reliving: seeing all the city lights and roaming cebu's neon light district with the mydra to my dahria. I didn't realize I yearned for her all these years. Is this why I've always felt so out of place, so lost in a sea of people who are so at home where they're planted? I cannot wait to get away, to romanticize the beach and to really look closely at places, people, moments and things. Did something just die and resurrect that I felt so new and alive again? It must be me, my dreams, my art, my very soul that longs to have that same connection I've had with her six years ago. The reason for it dying I do not know. But I'm certain we're still the same people looking at the world with the purest of intentions. All the unconditional love I am willing to give! Here, take my hand, let's make that love tape happen.
III.
A reader pouring coffee grounds all over and having me smell it. Let's ditch the music festival and run to places where our dreams are leading us. I do not know how to swim so I'd walk over deep waters instead, with faith as boundless as the heavens. And if I trip, I'd let myself submerge underwater, perhaps even drown so passionately, embracing the dangers of falling so recklessly. We fear the unknown but almost all the time we dive not knowing what lies underneath. If I can fly in my dreams and tell spirits “This is not your territory!” then nothing, not even people or circumstances, can hold me back.