Nothing is missing from me.
Some people really know how to make their mark in your subconscious. It's fascinating how they seem to just know what to do, what to say and when to say it. All it took was at least 20 seconds. A name was spoken without even having to say “hello.” How did he do it?
There's quite a few changes before the start of the second quarter. I initially thought that going back to the outside world was bad news. But now that I think about the possibilities of going places and walking large spaces and crossing paths with other souls (as lost as I am), I have a feeling it might just be the exact opposite.
I miss her but she's not missing from me. I'm longing for a feeling, a certain high, a head rush. Like the drug I thought I tasted from 2016: night clubs we weren't allowed to enter in, tight stockings, mango flavored lollipop, velvet dress and us smoking to coco rosie inside my aunt's bedroom.
Does she miss me too?
I'd start getting numb from my head down to my fingertips as soon as I think about the feeling of his arm brushing against mine, or the odd sensation when he stares at me. I miss my old self when I was both reckless and naive. When I go, I'd go hard. I'd push myself too close to the edge. These days I'm just naive. And scared. And then I run away as fast as I can.
I want my reckless soul back from the dead. I want to hold his hand so we could run away together but his soul is lost somewhere and we're traveling parallel from each other.
I'm having those vivid dreams again even without the medication. There's one with a really good plot, cohesive and realistic, I almost believed I was living in it. I'd wake up tired as if I had never fallen asleep. When this happens to me, it's mostly a prelude to a spiritual awakening.
I'm waiting.